This article was written by a young person who accesses Spectrum’s services.

At the end of October, I lost a friend who was very near and dear to my heart, to almost 10 years of battling cancer. The loss is still very new, and very raw, and likely will be for many weeks if not months to come; however, it has allowed me to write this with a new perspective and determination to write from the very bottom of my heart.

As I’ve been working through my own grief process, this writing has also undergone significant changes. Through the many edits, complete re-writes and even different viewpoints being expressed, I have kept certain parts, discarded (many) others, and completely started over on more than one occasion. Although you can’t really discard or completely start over with life after loss, you can keep parts of that individual and your perspective of the world will change. As I reflected on my life and current thought process I discovered several parallels between writing and grieving.

The five stages of grief look different for everyone, as does the writing process. Some people plan out what they’re going to write and others just do it. I’m more of the wait-until-the-last-minute writer. Similarly, grief looks different on everyone.

As I said, I’m more of a just-do-it type of writer, which means I definitely wait until the last minute. It’s not that I don’t want to be writing and advocating for my peers, it’s just constantly feeling like I have more important things to do in life. Grieving isn’t much different.

I know my feelings will always be there, and this particular line of thinking leads me down two distinct paths: (1) my feelings will always be here so I should really just deal with them now and get them out of the way; or (2) my feelings will always be here so I should focus on the more impermanent things (such as school) and deal with the feelings later.

I look at these two perspectives as denial and bargaining rolled into one and they don’t get you anywhere. It really doesn’t matter how you think or what you think because the feelings are still felt. Similarly, the writing still has to get written, the only difference is how you write and what you write about.

Acceptance came when I decided I wasn’t going to write about what was easy, I was going to write about what I know.

Depression is the beginning of acceptance. In the writing process, that may look like walking away from the piece entirely. In life, it can look like isolation or engaging in risky and harmful behaviors. Many of the individuals at Spectrum, myself included, have used or currently use these coping mechanisms to try and understand why life works the way it does.

They make us feel something other than the true pain of what’s beneath the behaviors; just as watching Netflix can help you ignore the panic of writing about something no body really enjoys hearing, which is a point I’ll elaborate on a bit later; there is nothing you can do.

The final stage of just about anything you will ever do in life is acceptance. In this particular writing, acceptance came when I decided I wasn’t going to write about what was easy, I was going to write about what I know. What I know is that grief sucks, and it’s hard. I know that “I’m sorry” and “I’m here for you” doesn’t help a whole lot. I know that words aren’t helpful as the loss is still lost and the feelings are still felt.

I know that it’s okay to feel. In fact, it’s a good thing, because feelings are meant to come and go. They’re what make us, as humans, different from one another. Intense emotions and being messy are not signs of weakness and do not make you any less of an individual.

This has been a hard piece to write as it’s typically not what people like to hear in terms of supporting those close to them through a tough time, but I’ve taken that to mean this is a subject matter of great importance. I know I am just one person, and one perspective, but I hope I have shed some light on the experience and process of losing a loved one.

The post The Five Stages of Writing, Grief, and Writing about Grief appeared first on Spectrum Youth & Family Services.

“When you call someone an addict, it reduces them to just that,” said Mark Redmond, our ED. “But it’s just one element of their being — they’re a mother or a brother or a student.”

Here’s the story from the Burlington Free Press.

Photo: Associated Press

If you know someone who’s struggling with substance use or addiction, our counselors can help. Call (802) 864-7423 x310.

The post Talking about addiction? Word choice matters. appeared first on Spectrum Youth & Family Services.

We’re teaming up with Phoenix Books and Chris Bohjalian to raise some holiday cheer for our youth!

For every copy of Bohjalian’s upcoming novel The Guest Room that you preorder before December 24th, $5 goes directly to our youth.

Plus, the first 300 books preordered will also be signed and personalized by Bohjalian in time for the release of The Guest Room on January 5th, 2016.

“This program is the epitome of what makes Vermont so special: a local, homegrown talent supporting his community, working in partnership with a locally owned bookstore, to raise needed funds for one of the most important social service organizations in Vermont,” says Phoenix Books owner Mike DeSanto. “I am so happy to work with Chris Bohjalian and our fantastic booksellers along with the wonderful staff at Spectrum Youth and Family Services to do what we can to support Spectrum. May the gift giving begin!”

All three Phoenix Books locations – in Burlington, Essex, and Rutland, Vermont – will be chipping in to help! For more information, please call 802-872-7111 or visit Phoenix Books online.

Mark Redmond, our Executive Director, said, “We’re so grateful that Chris wanted to help the teens and young adults we serve this way. There is no question he is a masterful writer who knows how to keep a reader hooked from the first page to the last. But as far and wide as he travels, he is always reaching out to help his community back home any way he can. We appreciate it so much.”

“It has never been easy to be a teenager,” adds Bohjalian, “but these days it might be tougher than ever. That’s why I support Spectrum. Over the years, I have met — and written about — so many teens whose lives were changed by the group. Spectrum sees the promise in our kids and gives them a future.”

Read more about The Guest Room on Chris’s website.

The post Why your holiday shopping helps our youth appeared first on Spectrum Youth & Family Services.

The cold weather has lately been an important reminder that not everyone is fortunate enough to have a roof over their heads.

The Sleep Out unites business and community leaders and students in solidarity with the homeless and at-risk youth that we serve.

The post Curious about the Spectrum Sleep Out? appeared first on Spectrum Youth & Family Services.

Spectrum’s most recent e-newsletter is now online. Read it here.

A letter from Executive Director Mark Redmond is below:

Dear Friend,

Recently, I was asked by a school superintendent if I remembered Joseph, because he had referred Joseph to Spectrum five years ago for counseling and a place to live when he became homeless. I remembered Joseph as a young man with a lot of difficulties and challenges.

One week later, I saw Joseph on my way to work. He smiled and waved. He said he was waiting for the bus to go to his job, and that he has an apartment nearby. “I’m doing really well,” he told me.

Running into Joseph was so gratifying. His story serves as one more lesson that we never know how the help we offer someone will affect them – this is why we must offer all we possibly can to every single person seeking our help, empowering them to make positive changes in their lives.

Sincerely,

Mark Redmond
Executive Director

Subscribe to our e-newsletter by clicking “Sign Up” at the top of this page.

The post Meet Joseph: Independent, Employed, Happy appeared first on Spectrum Youth & Family Services.